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Posts Tagged ‘brokenness’

Broken

brokenWe have all seen broken things: dishes, computers, lamps, toys, and even limbs. But the broken heart is a trickier observation. I thought I knew about this kind of brokenness. After all, my past is littered with old boyfriends and missed opportunities and disappointments. I thought I knew.

But no. Now I walk within a crushing brokenness that has no comparison to anything I have experienced before. The outer ranges of who I am continue, that daily self still rises and makes breakfast, still feeds the dogs and picks up the mail: she is still functioning. Apparently I look fine; after all, I have been complimented on my strength and poise. The irony of observed strength compared to the life beneath is not lost on me.

Here’s what I know so far: I am not broken in a way that super glue or duct tape can repair. That woman self, the  one before losing Mike, cannot be reconstructed into herself again. Instead, the inner shards must morph into a different construct. Grief of this kind adds colors and shapes that were unknown before. This is change of a monumental variety, yet hidden behind the cloak of function.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit. [Psalm 34:18, NIV]

And for this reason, it is really a God kind of time for it is only Spirit that can reshape from the inside out.

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